“Literally making the news in Seattle and the Northwest.”
The Seattle Newsmaker was founded in 1879 as Seattle’s second newspaper, originally called “The Seattle Area Commercial Tidings Deliverer and Bum Wiping Aid.” It went out of business in 1881.
Its assets were purchased in 1883 by an itinerant printer’s aide and restarted as Seattle’s fourth newspaper under the name “The Seattle News and Insider’s Guide For Lumberjacks Seeking Good Time Girls.” This was the newspaper’s most successful commercial run and ended in 1901 when it was purchased and renamed the “Seattle Upright Citizen’s Guide and Prohibition Meeting Finder.” It went out of business six days later.
The newspaper went through more than three dozen owners and titles over the succeeding decades, although it always maintained a steadfast reputation for sloppy journalism and/or outright fabrication. Its incarnations throughout the 20th century included “The Southeast Alaska Press-Journal,” “The Seattle Libel Stew,” “The Burien Hobo’s Friend” and “The Des Moines Register.” This last version was sued for copyright infringement and ultimately, all the newspaper’s assets and archives were burned and its office ground sown with salt.”
Reestablished in 2020 as a continuation of the newspaper’s “proud” “legacy” for the 21st century, The Seattle Newsmaker is published at a variable frequency corresponding to the whims of its staff. Anyone unable to discern its nature as a parody of Seattle area news, sports and life is advised to not use the Internet, for everyone’s good.
Contacting us is not advised but, if absolutely necessary, can be done at [email protected] or on the Twitter-web-nets at @SeattleNewsmkr.