Counties: “Seattleites Stay Away! Also Because Coronavirus.”

LONG BEACH, WA – As reported recently by The Seattle Times, counties throughout Washington State that have traditionally been vacation or second-home sites for Seattle area residents are now urging Seattle residents to stay away, possibly under penalty of law.

“Seattleites, stay home. Let me be very clear: you are not welcome here. It’s best for you and it’s best for us, so just stay away,” said Pacific County commissioner Gary Lazenby. “Also, there is Coronavirus so you should watch out for that too.”

Other traditionally tourist-friendly areas around the state had even gone so far as to mount ad campaigns encouraging Seattle area residents to stay away from their counties. “It’s the best thing for everyone,” said San Juan County Administrator June Phillips. “We purchased a whole set of TV ads, newspaper ads and online banners saying politely but firmly, ‘Seattle stay away, we don’t want you.’ Then a couple months later Coronavirus came along and the timing just worked out perfectly.”

Chelan County commissioner Ted Mack added, “Public health is our primary concern, and it’s best for everyone to stay home, plain and simple. Also if I see one more Tesla Roadster here full of hikers complaining about ‘Oh I guess you can’t find GMO-free soy milk lattes and a clean bathroom in the same place here’ one more time, there will be people going to the hospital for entirely different reasons.”

Walla Walla Mayor Ellen Clark suggested that Seattle area residents should stay at home “to comply with the governor’s orders and keep everyone safe.” She also added that they were “free to take up as many lanes of the road with their bicycles as they want” there, and could “berate their own local antique stores about trans-exclusionary restroom facilities.”

All of the city and county officials contacted did note that they would prefer it if Seattle area residents continued to send money as long as it was done in absentia, ideally via GoFundMe or postal mail.