Turns Out the WNBA Was Still Playing This Whole Time

SEATTLE, WA – Responding to a question at a press conference today about when he expected the WNBA to resume play, Seattle Storm coach Dan Hughes appeared shocked for several seconds then replied “You do know we are still playing, right?”

“We’re tied for first place in the league at 7-1,” Hughes continued, “and we’ve been playing since May 1st.” After a long, awkward silence in the pressroom filled with local Seattle newspaper, TV and radio reporters, he muttered “Oh my God. You didn’t know, did you?”

Attempting to recover, Seattle Times sports columnist Larry Stone asked “So, uh, how… how has attendance been?” Hughes responded icily, “As I’m sure you are supposed to know, we have been playing home games to a completely empty house in Alaska Airlines Arena.” Stone followed up by asking “So, do you think that attendance is related to Coronavirus?” at which point Hughes threw his shoe at the reporter and called him a “goat f***er.”

Coming to the podium, Storm all-star center Breanna Stewart attempted to rescue the tense situation. “After a year away due to injury,” she said, “I have been so excited to be back with the team and helping us get to this great start. Do any of you have questions about how we are doing this season?”

Seattle P-I reporter Ben Arthur asked, “I thought you guys had moved to Tacoma?” Stewart’s expression turned stony as she replied, “No, that’s the Reign women’s soccer team. You know they are different from us, right?”

Larry Stone followed up with “Are you the ones with Megan Rapinoe? Is she playing this year?” “No,” said Stewart, “That’s Sue Bird’s partner. And yes, Sue plays for our team.” Stone asked if Hope Solo by any chance played for the Storm, and Stewart curtly moved on to the next question. “Have you settled on a name?” asked KING 5 TV sports anchor Paul Silvi. “Dammit, that’s the hockey team,” said Stewart.

710 AM Sports Radio reporter Shannon Drayer tentatively asked, “So… are you looking forward to repeating as league champions again for a third year in a row?” Stewart exasperatedly replied, “No, that’s the Seattle Seawolves. That’s a men’s f***ing rugby team. I don’t know how you mix those up.” After a pause, Stewart added plaintively, “These bro sportswriter d*****bags I expected this from, Shannon, but come on sister. Really?”

The press conference ended shortly thereafter with enthusiastic assurances from the assembled Seattle press corps that they would begin following the Seattle Storm much more closely. “Our bad,” said Larry Stone. “We will definitely keep an eye on our hometown lady team that plays the thing they do which is … I kind of drifted off there … maybe softball? I’m sure we can Google it later.”