Seattle Public Schools Introduces New “AP Feelings” Class For 2021

SEATTLE, WA – Saying that “For too long, Advanced Placement (AP) classes have discriminated against students who lack the skills or aptitude to qualify for them,” Seattle Public Schools announced today that it was expanding its curriculum with a new class titled “AP Feelings.”

Seattle Public Schools spokesperson Gregg Sloan explained, “We realized that our existing AP class list – English, Calculus, Biology, History an so on – was unfairly concentrated on artificial and discriminatory categories such as ‘things you might have college requirements in.’ This discriminates against important educational topics that fall outside the narrow category of ‘academically recognized disciplines.’ This inequity will not stand.”

“Today,” said Sloan, “We are taking a vital step forward towards leaving no high school student behind in Advanced Placement coursework, regardless of whether or not they should actually qualify for Advanced Placement coursework.”

“Of course, doubters and naysayers will question how we can effectively evaluate coursework in AP Feelings,” Sloan explained. “The answer is that students will be graded on clear criteria about the quality and type of feelings they have, and how they are expressed. ‘C’ level feelings include insecurity and affection for rock music as expressed in poems written in notebook margins. ‘B’ level feelings include anger at body shaming or the climate change mess left by previous generations, as rapped about on TikTok videos. ‘A’ level feelings in an AP course should demonstrate mastery of concepts such as multigenerational ethnic/immigrant and sexual/gender identity conflicts as expressed in creative dance or articles in The New Yorker.”

“We don’t believe in giving an ‘F’ in a class like this, but feelings that will receive a grade of ‘wrong’ include texted expressions about things like enthusiasm for student athletics or ‘boners.'”

Sloan added that the district was already thinking ahead about future AP classwork expansions for 2022 including “AP Insecurity” and “AP I Don’t Want To.”