Mariners’ Attendance Only 30% Below Expected This Year

SEATTLE, WA – The Seattle Mariners’ attendance at T-Mobile Park in 2020 is only 30% below expectations this year, according to CEO John Stanton, despite the fact that every home game has been canceled.

In October 2018, General Manger Jerry DiPoto announced a euphemistic “step back” plan of trading away its expensive star players in return for cheaper prospects who might turn around the team’s fortunes in several years.

“We sized our season ticket and per-game visitor expectations this year after conducting a focus group with fans,” Stanton told reporters today. “We asked a group of die-hard fans to name their favorite players on the 2020 Mariners, and the only answers we got were ‘Felipe somebody,’ ‘Ichiro Toyota’ and ‘Russell Wilson.’ At that point, we felt we should probably revise attendance expectations a bit lower, such as in the single digits per game including hot dog vendors.”

Stanton citing a higher-than-expected transient hobo population camping in the stadium for helping to drive the attendance results. “For a while we thought our big revenue driver would be a pandemic field hospital, but it turned out we didn’t need one and those people tend to buy fewer souvenirs than you’d hope.”

“We’re looking forward to playing baseball again soon,” Stanton concluded on an optimistic note. “We can’t wait to see our remaining season ticket holders again. Yes, both of them.”