The Seattle Newsmaker

Seattle Got Drunk and Spent All Federal Coronavirus Funds On 85 New Bike Lanes

“We were so excited to get the stimulus,” Durkin said, “and last night we had an emergency meeting to review what to do with it. One thing led to another, and you know how it goes. When I woke up this morning I was kind of hazy about what we decided. But then I checked my e-mail and there was an order confirmation from Amazon for $133 million in paving supplies, and I’m, like, ‘Oh s–t.'”