These 25 Beautiful Mariner Moose Cosplayers Took It Too Far… Try Not To Gasp When You See #3
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Community Voices: It’s Not Racist To Hate Canadians
By Agnes Millward The Seattle Newsmaker’s “Community Voices” section is dedicated to providing a forum for our readers to share their opinions on a diverse range of topics. This week’s … Read More
Mariners’ Attendance Only 30% Below Expected This Year
SEATTLE, WA – The Seattle Mariners’ attendance at T-Mobile Park in 2020 is only 30% below expectations this year, according to CEO John Stanton, despite the fact that every home … Read More
Seattle Public Schools Introduces New “AP Feelings” Class For 2021
SEATTLE, WA – Saying that “For too long, Advanced Placement (AP) classes have discriminated against students who lack the skills or aptitude to qualify for them,” Seattle Public Schools announced … Read More
Seattle Got Drunk and Spent All Federal Coronavirus Funds On 85 New Bike Lanes
“We were so excited to get the stimulus,” Durkin said, “and last night we had an emergency meeting to review what to do with it. One thing led to another, and you know how it goes. When I woke up this morning I was kind of hazy about what we decided. But then I checked my e-mail and there was an order confirmation from Amazon for $133 million in paving supplies, and I’m, like, ‘Oh s–t.'”
Sawant Plots Elaborate Heist of Amazon Gold Vaults
SEATTLE, WA – Frustrated by multiple thwarted attempts to impose new taxes on Amazon.com, Seattle City Council member Kshama Sawant today revealed she is planning to increase city funding for … Read More
Audibly Drunk Portland Calls Seattle At 3 a.m. To “Just, You Know, Talk, Man”
SEATTLE, WA – “Hey, brah,” began the 3 a.m. call to the city of Seattle. “It’s me, man, Portland. The Roooooose Ciiiitttttt-aaaayyyyyyyy!” Quickly moving past Seattle’s befogged questions of what … Read More
SeaTac Reports TSA Wait Times Finally Under 45 Minutes
SEATAC, WA – Seattle-Tacoma International Airport officials today reported that, after two months of COVID-19 related lockdowns and a 95 percent reduction in global air travel, wait times at most … Read More
Turns Out the WNBA Was Still Playing This Whole Time
SEATTLE, WA – Responding to a question at a press conference today about when he expected the WNBA to resume play, Seattle Storm coach Dan Hughes appeared shocked for several … Read More
From the Archives: Scientists’ So-Called “Volcanic Eruption” Projections are Restricting Our Freedoms
FROM THE SEATTLE NEWSMAKER ARCHIVES, MAY 17 1980 BY TED NEWELL, NEWSMAKER OPINION COLUMNIST If you’re like me, you’re tired of hearing “so-called” “experts” from the “US Geological Survey” lecture … Read More